Posted: 2004-11-27 23:14:00
as i got into my car around 11:30 this morning, I was really in the mood to listen to Bad Religion. I’m not sure what put me in the mood, but it was a very Bad Religion mood to say the least. I reached into my visor CD holder and found the New America album, and as i pulled it out....it shattered! right there in my hands the damn CD broke in two. It was so disappointing, but things worked out because I listened to Siamese Dream by the Smashing Pumpkins instead.
Last night at home, leaving for school around noon tomorrow. Things will be different. Friends are back from Asian term, which i am thrilled about. Steve spent the break traveling to Iceland and London, can’t wait to see pictures and hear stories.
I hadn’t made a mess with this poptart here until my mother came in and broke off a piece. now there are crumbs all over the desk...
I should pack right now, but i guess i can do that later...maybe later tonight, maybe just tomorrow morning.
My phone has been fucking up nicely this past week. It makes calls, but doesn’t actually connect when it says it does. I think the person on the other end still hears me, but i just get silence.
I spent some time thinking about how i missed you...but then decided time would be better spent thinking about how soon i’d see you again.
Annieface is back, that makes me really happy. I hope she doesn’t mind that i’m stealing a line from her, but i love how she writes:
“My self-created tourniquet
Was tied around my heart.”
I’m taking a poetry class this next term. I’m not sure if it will help with my song-writing or hurt it. I hope it aids in my lyrical creation ;)
I can’t decide if i want to just go to bed, or if i want to dick around online a bit longer and go microwave some chicken chowmifun...or however that is spelled. hmm, that was an easy decision, bedtime.
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Posted: 2004-11-16 13:01:00
Two finals down, one to go. I was studying for that one, but then decided I rather be updating this. This break will is much needed...this one from studying, and this one coming up for thanksgiving.
I bought the new Jimmy Eat World album yesterday. Wow, they’ve done it again. I’ve been listening to these guys for 7 years now (yea, i’m cooler than you) and they just keep making great music. Vocal harmonies are done expertly, some really good guitar lines, and catchy as all get-out. This album will be the soundtrack of my life for the next week or so. It fits very well.
I almost made it through the whole term without any regrets...then I blew it. I appreciate the forgiveness you’ve offered me...but it isn’t justified. My apologies don’t change anything, and for that, I truly am sorry.
The heart is a fickle thing. And i sincerely believe it works on a completely different plane than the mind. I know things out there will hurt me, but my heart makes me pursue them. My heart doesn’t let me be content. My heart forces me to keep striving for things i am not meant to have. And right now, more than anything, I need my mind to take over, to push my heart aside, and to let things be.
“I was scared, but once I thought about it, I let it go. Everything she said to me I guess I ought to know.”
It’s amazing how much the illogic of the heart can shut out the logic of the mind. it gets the best of you sometimes, and if you’re not careful, it can ruin a beautiful thing. All you can do then, is just hope it isn’t as bad as it seems.
To know you’re happy is good enough. I’ll be here, right where you left me. I’ll see you in passing and whisper hello. Your response, though muffled by your blue scarf, is a feigned attempt at friendship. If i’ve rusted what was there, it wasn’t my intension. Please forgive me with your eyes, not your words.
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Posted: 2004-11-07 17:43:00
so much going on recently. School is nearing end of first term which means everything is due, and there are finals to start studying for. The life outside of school has been quite busy as well, some good, some bad.
Friday night was arguably the best night of the year. KG and Sparling threw a pretty wicked party at their place, and the company was excellent. Played a little flippy cup, I busted out some dangerous dance moves, and then just sat on the couch with a treasured friend.
I kissed your hand with permission....and once without, sorry about that one.
Saturday Dave and Mary came up to visit. Damn it was good to see those two. the three of us and a certain miss molly reimers went out to RIBCO for dinner, then back to my place to hang out for the night. A few others joined in the festivities, a little beer, a little mariocart, a little argyle socks, twas fun.
If you’ve ever sang a song, read a poem, or really shown any form of expression to the person that inspired you, you know what i felt saturday night.
So many questions now, though so many were discussed. My heart aches and swells with joy when i see her. I can’t decide which is stronger, which is more real. I wish things were easier, I really do. That’s about all i’ll say for now about this. ttyl
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Posted: 2004-11-05 00:51:00
wait, there was an election?
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Posted: 2004-11-01 02:09:00
to those of you who read this in secrecy, this one is for you....enjoy.
things happen every now again, and there isn’t much you can do. The clouds opened up and let it all out tonight. let me tell you, im fuckin drenched right now, head to toe, the blue dye in my shoes changing the color of my once white socks.
my phone stopped working last night. i threw it against the wall in frustration until it started working again....what does that say about life?
I heart huckabees, see it, laugh, think, hit yourself in the face with a big rubber ball (you’ll understand eventually) just now i realize what they meant. and it’s actually quite hilarious. even funnier than two grown men hitting each other with a big ball. getting rid of problems isn’t that simple. you can’t just hit yourself and make it ok, and yet at the same time, a solid smack to the head is all it takes.
taking a step back to the last entry, i’ve had a special playlist going all night. i knew i was gonna need it, i have that kind of foresight. it’s all benjamin gibbard and wilco. and you know what, it is perfect for this indescribable mood. i’m not sad, im not happy, it’s sort of melancholy with a hint of bitterness that is masked by my humility.
thanks for having the heart to talk to me, i appreciate it, all of you
i sat on my bed, steve sitting in the chair i am in now, and i emptied my heart to him while he ate cold cocktail wieners out of the crock-pot. that’s why i love that kid. always there for me. he tries to use his psych major to reason with me...he sounds intellectual when he speaks, but i think he knows it bullshit too. he knows how i feel, it’s not the first time he’s talked me through this.
two weeks left till i finally go home. it’s weird how two years ago, 3 months away seemed like forever. i still love my family as much as ever, if not more, but there is a part of me that needs this independence. but it’s not the freedom of being able to say ‘fuck you’ to authority, those days are long over. i go grocery shopping, i cook dinner, i clean the kitchen, i go to work, i write papers, i write computer code, i play in my band, i lock myself in my room with the lights off and the music on, and i do this all because this is who i am. this is an independence of personality. it comes to almost everyone eventually. and this is why i love my family, because they’ve given me the confidence and direction to be this. so thank you mom, dad, and lis. thank you.
i’ve never been too good with secrets. it’s hard to keep a secret when it never was a secret to begin with.
i need so go to bed, class is in 6 hours. goodnight.
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Posted: 2004-10-25 15:54:00
After this season, will we look back on it and call it fell?
Similarly, is not summer spent looking back on sprung?
I have a problem and that problem is this; Music completely dictates my mood. I could be the happiest camper in the world, but one simple melody can bring me down. I can be about ready to slam my fingers in the door, and a few notes will make me happy. I attribute this to the fact that I can’t seem to travel without music....or really sit still either.
Walks to and from class are always accompanied by my iPod (product placement). If i’m driving, it’s never silent, i have over 60 CDs in my car alone. My computer is home to 2066 songs as of this moment, and for all the hours i sit in-front of it, they are playing. I crank the tunes when i make dinner, when i clean the apartment, when im trying to take a nap. I have my headphones in at the coffee place when I am doing homework. If im in class, im either singing in my head or writing wicked cool metal riffs with lots of squeals.
Music flows through my veins more than blood. If i were to blow on a music breathalyzer, it would be a .90
And you know what? I like it that way.
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